The next few post are going to be from guests. Today you'll be hearing from Olivia. I came across her story on FB a couple months ago and I knew it was one that needed to be shared. Too often we assume we are the only ones struggling in a particular area of our lives. After reading this and relating to her feelings, I knew it would be an encouragement to you all as well!
This is my story. One of which has made me who I am today.
I am the youngest of two girls. I grew up in a loving God fearing home. My sister and I attended a private school from kindergarten to 4th grade then transferred to public school and that’s where my story began. Coming from a school where God was the focus to a place where God was completely removed was hard. It was a shock to my system, how was I supposed stay close to God with all these distractions?
As time went on those feelings slowly wore away. It's like the feeling when you buy a new car and you are afraid to get it scratched but as you drive it more and more you become less in tune with its newness. I became less in tune with God’s voice. I slowly allowed Him to be drowned out by my own thoughts. Around grade seven all I could think about was boys and popularity. The only problem was I wasn’t the “athlete” or the “cheerleader” type. I was at that awkward stage we all at some point go through but it was my time.
At age fourteen I was at my heaviest of 185 lbs. As each summer passed I became more and more disconnected from my group of friends and had no desire to attend public school. My sweet selfless mother took on the grueling job of trying to teach me from home. If you know me personally you would know I come from a long line of snazzy glamourous women. I remember on my first day of homeschooling sitting at the dining room table in tears begging my mom to let me go back to school so I could wear my pointy lace up high heeled shoes. Despite my plea, we chose to press forward.
Time passed and I had no desire to finish school and graduate. So at age 16 I chose to drop out. I was young with a lot of life ahead of me, but I knew that I needed to make a change to be a healthier me. When I started my journey I was convinced that if I lost weight I would be a different person. I thought that it could fill that empty void I had felt for so long. I spent all of my days at the gym and if I wasn’t at the gym I was thinking about the gym. It consumed me. My conversations consisted of nothing more than diet and exercise. I met goal after goal but it was never enough.
How did something so healthy become so unhealthy? At age 16 and 105lbs, I knew that I needed to make a choice to be healthy not skinny.
I can't sit here and tell you that this journey has been easy or that it's easy now. I still struggle with finding my self worth in the number on the scale. However, the Bible says in 1 samuel 16:7 “But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” God doesn’t base our beauty on our outward appearance He looks at our hearts. I wasted a lot of time hating myself for not being what society expected of me. It's important to take care of yourself and to be healthy, but when it consumes you it is no longer healthy. There is healing in Jesus Christ, I wouldn’t be here today as a wife and mother to four beautiful children if that wan't true! Don’t let your differences steal your joy. Love yourself along the journey, be confident in who God has created you to be. Dont make the same mistakes I made. You have a purpose... be your own beautiful!